the unstitution

Hey, people, let’s cut Miss South Carolina some slack.

You may have heard or have seen the video of the teen queen flubbing a question at the Miss Teen USA 2007 beauty pageant? You haven’t? Here it is.

Yeah. That was pretty awful.

But really, aren’t we expecting too much from our gal? Sure she was born with perfect cheekbones, legs that go on forever and a button nose (editor; we can’t verify the latter) but the hair colour, white teeth and fake tan – they all come from a bottle.

Look, my point is it’s hard being a beauty queen – you have to do a lot of shopping. And shopping is hard – like math. There are just so many products to choose from.

Plus – our lassie has probably been dieting for the bathing suit portion of the contest, which means purging not eating properly. And we all know that makes it hard to concentrate at school.

Not to mention all the time spent preening, prawning and buffing. Have you tried reading while getting a Brazilian wax job? Can’t be done.

So, expecting beauty queens to be bootylicious AND still be able to hold down a a conversation – come on! There’s just not enough time in the day.

You have to pick and choose your battles, and our girl picked beauty. She made the right choice.

Contrary to popular myth, it’s not what’s on the inside that counts. Nooooo. It’s how much you resemble a blow up doll. Right Pammie? Or how willing you are to give a blow job without asking anything in return. That’s what can make you a star. At least in someone’s eyes. For a minute or two.

Just take a quick look at all the covers on a magazine stand. The only smarts that are valued are the smart cards in mobile phones or other consumer electronics. And we don’t even know how to use those!

Even the supposed intelligent and sensitive boys skip brains and go right to the bimbo. Do you see George Clooney gallivanting about town with Pulitzer prize winners on his arms? No, he picks his chicks from the pole.

The truth is acting dumb and being blonde has been a viable alternative for women for a long time. It can reap rich rewards, fame and even legendary status: Marilyn Monroe, Jayne Mansfield, Anna Nicole Smith, Brigitte Bardot …..

For those unfortunate enough to have been born with some capacity for thought, faking it has always been a viable option. Now I don’t mean orgasms, I mean faking dumbness. It’s pretty easy to do – a breathy voice, childlike demeanors often referred to as kittenish, fingers placed on lips with mouth partially open in the “can’t wait to felate” pose, and best of all, a speech impediment that prevents one from saying the word “no.”

Paris Hilton readily admits to dumbing down for others. And you know what? No one cares she’s faking it. As long as she’s not acting smart, she’s “in” and can command upwards of $200,000 dollars just for showing up at a party. That may not be so dumb after all, and you don’t have to go through all that that boring expensive school stuff.

The lesson? It’s A-ok to be dumb. More than that, it pays to be dumb.

So, don’t you mind them nay-sayers, Miss South Carolina. Sure – you flubbed that answer but big deal. What’s more important is that you stood out – in flagrant Omarosa style.

My bet is that you will soon be invited to participate on a reality TV show, or will be Dancing with the Stars.

And that’s what really counts.

Update: Did you see our Miss Teen USA on the VMA music awards Sunday, Sept. 9? See, I told you so. Dumb gets you everywhere.

Tags: miss teen usa, dumb blondes, paris hilton, miss south carolina, beauty, shallowness

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