This is pretty clever. I’d bet most people won’t even get it.

“To the casual observer, she’s the very embodiment of a lady.”

Dressed demurely in a blushing pink blouse, hands sheathed in dainty white gloves, Aiko – quite possibly Canada’s first android – sits patiently, ready to engage in polite conversation using her 13,000-word vocabulary. She’ll recognize your face, shake how-do-you-do, read you a story, add sums and deliver the current weather.”

They are talking about a robot in the story.

It’s just not the sad creepy Stepford wife allusion. It’s that we – the media – storytellers – culture – parents – keep perpetrating and believing age old stories about how we “should” be and behave.

For example demurely means
1. Modest and reserved in manner or behavior.
2. Affectedly shy, modest, or reserved.

Yeah. Like Paris Hilton, Madonna and Pam Anderson.

Growing up, I railed against this limiting description of how a “real” woman was supposed to act. I was not like that. Most of the women I knew weren’t either – until Grade 6 when we were all hushed, shushed, given the back seat, and beaten into submission.

“You’re not an angry feminist are you?” they accused. The way they said it, there was nothing worse that you could be.

And thus we were kept small, submissive and silent. We were bonsai’d

It’s pretty creepy that men want to screw plastic dolls, and that women like Pamela Anderson and the rest of the Hefner harem want to grow up to be just like them.

Seriously – look at the women in this video. They are using the femmebots as role models and have no problem dressing and looking alike, talking in fake voices and pretending to like turning an old man on. They are trained like poodles in a circus ring.

I don’t like Madonna, her brash bad girl image is just a role she plays to get a reaction and as such, she and her art wear thin, devoid of depth. I prefer authentic, or something close to it – but I’ll take Madonna’s shallow over the femmebots any day.

And don’t tell me it’s not hard to be this fake day in and day out, pretending to be so gaga over old men that you start believing it.

Here’s the
Pam nude video here.

The International Female Value Index falls 500 points because of the poor ratio of old man to women in the video – and because of how they have no problem presenting themselves as silly harmless widgets in his presence.

“Harry Shearer’s Found Objects” presents this clip of beauty pageants chat portion.

I found this video mesmerizing and horrifying. I remember watching pageants on TV as a kid, and distinctly took them as teaching models – this is how we have to be in order to be praised and prized. I remember thinking how hard it must be to walk that way.

From Wikipedia – the breakdown of beauty pageants
“Beauty Queens, or title holders, are chosen on many criteria. Each individual pageant will provide to prospective delegates its particular methods of competition and scoring. For example, The Worldwide Pageant has a unique scoring system wherein delegates have the potential of earning a score of 110%. The breakdown is 25% evening wear (may be pants or gown), 25% athletic wear, 50% personal interview, and an optional 10% for an achievement portfolio.”

It was interesting to note that there was much contempt for beauty pageants right from the start. But much more interesting to see how they have endured. I have no idea why women would want to compete in these pageants. I find them insulting -especially the question part where they judge personality.

The International Female Value Index goes down 50 points because the pageant portion of Sarah Palin’s life has become such a hot topic – although it is interesting to note that make beauty pageants are on the rise since the early part of this decade according to Wikipidea. I am always for equal objectification.

Tags: Sarah Palin, beauty pageants

I’ve heard about this for a long time. I’ve istened to complaints about this for a long time. We’ve laughed, the way they do in this video.

But you know – it’s really not fair. Worse, it’s really not nice.

So when is it going to stop? When are we going to make this go away?

We have fables like Beauty and the Beast teaching us that we oughta give the somewhat less-than-hot men a second chance and look beyond the external to see their true beauty within.

That’s nice. The drag is it only goes one way.

The Beast sure is beastly – but he wants a beauty. And whereas his character is treated sympathetically, and we are taught to give them a chance, females in our fables do not get the same treatment.

Remember Cinderella’s sisters? My gosh, even their feet aren’t pretty enough.

Can anyone name one story, fairy tale, or myth where the lead woman isn’t a beautiful princess? And where the less than beautiful aren’t vilified?

Now we have the horrid reality TV series, Average Joe, where once again, Princesses are told that they should kiss the frog.

Where is the opposite story? Where are Princes told to take a closer look at the homely but hard working washer woman, or to go beyond the sour expression of the little match girl to see what lies within?

We need more of these stories like that out there – where women are valued for more than looks. The Paper Bag Princess is a lonely warrior.

And don’t get me started on the lack of merits in Princesses. That’s for another post.

You may have heard or have seen the video of the teen queen flubbing a question at the Miss Teen USA 2007 beauty pageant? You haven’t? Here it is.

Yeah. That was pretty awful.

But really, aren’t we expecting too much from our gal? Sure she was born with perfect cheekbones, legs that go on forever and a button nose (editor; we can’t verify the latter) but the hair colour, white teeth and fake tan – they all come from a bottle.

Look, my point is it’s hard being a beauty queen – you have to do a lot of shopping. And shopping is hard – like math. There are just so many products to choose from.

Plus – our lassie has probably been dieting for the bathing suit portion of the contest, which means purging not eating properly. And we all know that makes it hard to concentrate at school.

Not to mention all the time spent preening, prawning and buffing. Have you tried reading while getting a Brazilian wax job? Can’t be done.

So, expecting beauty queens to be bootylicious AND still be able to hold down a a conversation – come on! There’s just not enough time in the day.

You have to pick and choose your battles, and our girl picked beauty. She made the right choice.

Contrary to popular myth, it’s not what’s on the inside that counts. Nooooo. It’s how much you resemble a blow up doll. Right Pammie? Or how willing you are to give a blow job without asking anything in return. That’s what can make you a star. At least in someone’s eyes. For a minute or two.

Just take a quick look at all the covers on a magazine stand. The only smarts that are valued are the smart cards in mobile phones or other consumer electronics. And we don’t even know how to use those!

Even the supposed intelligent and sensitive boys skip brains and go right to the bimbo. Do you see George Clooney gallivanting about town with Pulitzer prize winners on his arms? No, he picks his chicks from the pole.

The truth is acting dumb and being blonde has been a viable alternative for women for a long time. It can reap rich rewards, fame and even legendary status: Marilyn Monroe, Jayne Mansfield, Anna Nicole Smith, Brigitte Bardot …..

For those unfortunate enough to have been born with some capacity for thought, faking it has always been a viable option. Now I don’t mean orgasms, I mean faking dumbness. It’s pretty easy to do – a breathy voice, childlike demeanors often referred to as kittenish, fingers placed on lips with mouth partially open in the “can’t wait to felate” pose, and best of all, a speech impediment that prevents one from saying the word “no.”

Paris Hilton readily admits to dumbing down for others. And you know what? No one cares she’s faking it. As long as she’s not acting smart, she’s “in” and can command upwards of $200,000 dollars just for showing up at a party. That may not be so dumb after all, and you don’t have to go through all that that boring expensive school stuff.

The lesson? It’s A-ok to be dumb. More than that, it pays to be dumb.

So, don’t you mind them nay-sayers, Miss South Carolina. Sure – you flubbed that answer but big deal. What’s more important is that you stood out – in flagrant Omarosa style.

My bet is that you will soon be invited to participate on a reality TV show, or will be Dancing with the Stars.

And that’s what really counts.

Update: Did you see our Miss Teen USA on the VMA music awards Sunday, Sept. 9? See, I told you so. Dumb gets you everywhere.

Tags: miss teen usa, dumb blondes, paris hilton, miss south carolina, beauty, shallowness

Just watched this and it’s a great precis of how cults can suck you in.

But, I also noticed there’s a lot of stuff in here that the so-called “Secret experts” – which as I said before are sales experts – are using to get you to buy their personal development programs.

Here are some choice gems taken from the above film – which uncannily mirror The Secret’s, and a lot of other personal development programs marketing strategies.

To be a successful cult leader you should:

• use deception. Don’t tell them who you really are, lie, leave out important information, or distort information.
• promise to fulfill their dreams. Tell them you have the secrets to self-improvement
• offer them something free. Tell them time is running out – they have to make their decision now
• separate your new recruits and surround them with happy people. Love bomb them
• demonize outsiders – develop an “us vs them” mentality, say the others don’t get it
• tell them the idealogy “answers all questions to all problems.”
• induce guilt. (The Secret says it’s one’s own fault that negative stuff happens – it’s because we are thinking negative thoughts and so we attract that which we think.)
• tell them there is a part of their mind they must eliminate
• make up stories about yourself to boost your importance…but start slowly

That was just half way through the film.

Compare the notes in the movie with some of “marketing techniques” on these landing pages I picked randomly.

Joe Vitale’s Zero Limits program landing page.

Joe called himself a metaphysician in the movie, but he is really a copywriter. He coined one of his marketing techniques Hypnotic Marketing, and you should never forget it when reading his stuff. In fact he makes no secret that he knows how to put you into a hypno-buying trance, dousing his copy liberally with commands like Buy Now, or Go See This.

So “Go Now” to this page and check out the crazy promises Joe makes. “There’s NOTHING like it!”

Mr. Fire as he calls himself is also is an affiliate marketer of this program Simpleology. It better be easier than reading this ridiculously long page.

Free gift here, and more shocking scientific claims and amazing hyperboles here.

I think you get it.

So watch. And think. Especially before “buying it.” And remember the biggest sane-maker is to mix and mingle with as as many diverse people as possible.

Tags: The Secret, marketing, cults, copywriting, buying

The first time I heard the song My Humps was in the Alanis Morrissette “parody.” It sure was memorable, but I really didn’t get it. Didn’t get the song or Alanis’ parody. Parody is supposed to be funny.

Today I saw the original Black Eyed Peas video, and I have to say I still don’t get it.

I mean, is this song for real?

Or is it a parody? If so, what is it a parody of? And why did Alanis parody a parody? WTF? I don’t even know where my hump is? Do I have one or two. Or three?

If it’s not a parody and this song is for real, what planet am I on? Did I just get beamed here from a much brighter galaxy? Come on. Where did this come from? I didn’t even see it coming. What songs are the predecessors? The influences? I haven’t seen or heard anything this bad – on so many levels – in ages.

How did that singer, Fergie, consent to this? Were her brains stolen? Or…I have no other idea why someone would do this.

Who came up with this idea? What other ones do they have? Ouch.

Or – please tell me even the original one is a parody. Just not a very good one. Please direct me to whatever they are making fun of. I love parody – and I want to be in on the joke. I need to know what’s going on. Or I got to get on the next space ship out of here.

Please help me understand

The International Female Value Index drops 300 points for a bad song that’s genre isn’t clear and that promotes an image of women as – um – idiots. Is that what those characters are in the video? Hmm. On closer look I think they are icky, sucky, uneducated, goldigging desperados? Hey, the guys don’t come off any better. Shallow, dumb goofs. Or should I spell that gooph.

IFVI drops another 60 points because the song has had over 5 million views.

And loses another 100 points for the lyrics “Mix your milk with my cocoa puff.” Come on – that can’t be for real!

100 points reclaimed for Alanis trying to parody it, I think.

I thought against placing the videos here, but if we are going to have a discourse, you have to see them.

The original by the Black Eyed Peas.

“What you gonna do wif all that breasts?” Are you kidding me?

Here’s the not outrageous enough to be successful as a parody version of My Humps by Alanis Morrissette.

And so I did what I usually do when bugged. I did a whole whack of research. Here’s what I found out about why “The Secret” is so succesful.

The most interesting and telling fact behind the popularity of The Secret is that everyone who is an advocate of the “law of attraction” is selling “The Secret” DVD or book or some other “miracle personal development” program like it.

Most of the so-called experts who appear in the film, like Joe Vitale and James Ray, and James Gray, are also into affiliates sales and/or MLM and network marketing big time. That means they are selling their own or other people’s products through their web sites and other online or offline endeavors. They also sign up their friends to sell for them, who sign up their friends, and so on, offering additional sales commissions based on the sales of people in their networks.

Which means The Secret’s experts are first and foremost sales experts.

Now lucky for them, one thing that seems to be in constant demand is “How To Get Rich” courses, books and products. So here comes big Secret Number 1.

1. Sell a “How To Get Rich” product.

In our conspicuously consumptive society, we are all convinced that it is “things” that will make us happier. So, what we’d like is more money to be able to buy these things.

“The Secret” is popular because it says we can get anything we want. Anything. The universe offers itself up to us like a catalogue – all we have to do is pick. How awesome is that?

What if the movie’s message was “sorry, you can’t always get what you want. In fact, all that wanting is what’s making you unhappy.” Who wants to hear that?

Get the message?

Now the second secret.

2. Tell people it’s easy.

Our aforementioned sales experts know that everyone wants the easy way out. It’s scary to go out on a limb to try new things – going back to school, and paying tuition is expensive, giving up weekends to study or practice is just not fun. Hard work is a hard sell.

That’s why you say something is easy. It’s easy as 1, 2, 3, or it’s easy peasy. In this case, easy as just thinking about it. Wow!

So, when marketing your get rich product, make sure to say it’s easy, even when it’s not. You don’t have to tell the truth about it at all. The book “The One Minute Millionaire” sold millions even though when you read it you’ll soon see that it’s actually quite complicated and takes commitment, energy and time to be a millionaire. Doesn’t matter. One Minute to be a millionaire sounds easier.

Likewise, it takes more than just thinking about what you want in order to recieve it. Sure, the film “The Secret” said that all it takes is thinking, but we know that’s not true. In fact shamefully unapologetic retractions or explanations by our aforementioned “experts” are all over the place. Better yet, why not turn the retractions into products, like The Missing Secret, or a sequel to The Secret - which will – get this – focus on an action plan.

So, since lying about how easy it all is is fine, don’t stop there….

3. Make all the ridiculous claims you want.

That’s right, nobody is checking! So, just like every corner diner claims that it serves the best coffee in the world, you can claim that all it takes to make millions is to listen to a simple CD. Or, watch a series of 8 DVDs that have been especially created by teams of scientific experts, that are worth $3,600.00 but if you buy now you can get them for only $689.00, PLUS you will recieve $1,840.00 worth of free goods. But you better buy now or this offer will never, ever, ever be repeated again. Ever.

See how easy it is? Why it’s addictive – and fun. Here are more things to try:

Try saying things like Newton, Da Vinci, Roosevelt and Einstein all believed in the secret. Don’t offer proof. It’s not necessary!

Call it a “marketing masterpiece.” Say “this is the most advanced and easy to apply success-achieving program in the world today,” then guarantee it. 100%!

Call yourself a metaphysicist, a philosopher, or a doctor. Not grand enough? How about a genius or a visionary? Who’s gonna say no?

Use these three secrets, and you too might find yourself on the path to tremendous wealth and affluence, because the universe wants to bestow you with every wish that you want. But, only if you sell the opportunity of infinite wealth to others. The universe doesn’t like it if you say it is limited. That must hurt its ego.

It also doesn’t matter that “The Secret”s message is all about “Me Me Me” and what “I want I want I want.” You don’t have to think about anyone else – just like a kindergarten-er. Nope, if you want a bicycle, or a necklace, or a monstrous house like the one Jack Canfield boasts about, go for it. Don’t worry about carbon footprinting. Your neighbours or community. Or third world sweat shops. Those people are bringing it on themselves.

All that matters is you “buy it.” And looking at the numbers the book has sold, a lot of people did.

If you haven’t seen the movie yet, here is the unabashedly superficial trailer to “The Secret”. There is no need to watch the movie, as there is no extra information in it.

If you need a primer on why desires create suffering, check out Puppetji vs The Secret.

N.B I said you don’t have to watch the movie…but if you want to make an informed decision, I believe you should always be thorough and check the sources yourself. What I meant by that line is you won’t get that much more info by watching the movie. It’s simplistic and repetitive, and doesn’t go very deep.

Tags: the secret, marketing